Hello, My name is "Unreliable"

So, last week I wrote about recognition. I think we can all agree that, while recognition isn't necessary, it cannot hurt. This week, I want to talk about the opposite, insults and negativity or "bad talk".



We are all survivors of this, and it is impossible to avoid it. People are more likely to take notice of the bad than the good, it is a human flaw.

I personally have been a recent victim of this, and though I live my life doing the best I can do, and not worrying about the negativity - sometimes a vicious tongue cannot simply be ignored.

Recently, my superior has been running around town associating me with the word "unreliable". Now that's not so bad, I’ve been called worst things before, but I am at the point in my life, where such negative comments, hurts my reputation, affecting my livelihood and quite honestly my feelings.

What makes this a tough pill to swallow is, I cannot deny that I am unreliable. In this persons eye, I do not meet HIS standards of reliability. Therefore, I am unreliable. I of course do not feel this way. I may have many flaws, but unreliability is not one of them. I am not the kind of person to point fingers or make excuses, that is wasting time, I a problem-solver by profession and professionally I'm not going to say, well I didn't get it done because.... No. I will apologize and try not to make the mistake again. So I ask you, does this make me unreliable?

I am very, very good at what I do, look at my reviews, my personal clients all talk about my efficiency. Because this is what I strive to be. As a freelancer, clients are always worried about time, they worry that they might just be one small fish in a school of fish and I won't give them the time and dedication they deserve. I strive to be efficient, I will turn down work if I don't have the time and I will tell my clients an honest time frame. So, it definitely hurts to hear negativity on the very same thing I try to avoid.

Now, I am not the most reliable person ever, but I am not, dare I say "unreliable". I am reliable. When you give me a deadline, I will work to my best to meet this, and 9 out of 10 times, I do. My issue is with unrealistic deadlines, I still give it my all, because I don't believe in half-assing anything. I believe in doing the best you can do with what you are given. I cannot turn shit into gold, and if that is your expectation, then yes, I am unreliable. In Engineering, 9/10 is characterized as unreliable, if this is true, then nothing is reliable. Then reliability is as rare as an unicorn.

This superior of mine did not just say it once, but has been literally running around town preaching it. Everyone says to me, it's not a big deal; just prove him wrong, which is basically do as you do. But still, I have difficulty concentrating, keeping motivated and producing. I'm confused by this attack and it makes it even more difficult to stay on track. In essence, it makes it true.

If you run around preaching the sky is green, and repeat it enough, people will start believing you. A perfect example is,

“15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance.”

This has been repeated so many times, it is basically fact. It doesn't matter that it might be a crock-of-shit. The message has been repeated so many times, it is accepted as truth.

I am at the point now, where I am questioning my own reliability. This negativity has instilled self-doubt in me. I am questioning everything I do, I am unsure of myself. This self-doubt in itself, has made me unreliable, though the accusations are untrue, the mare fact that these accusation exist, has put doubt, not only in myself, but I am sure in those who have heard the accusations.

Now I am walking on eggshells, my confidence - low and anxiety - high. I’m not sure what my next play will be. Do I do nothing? Do I say something? Do I ignore it? The threat does exist, and I have an undying urge to deal with it. But, like a bause, I will take the high road, I know what I know, and I know who I am.

Chill | Relax | Breath & Get Though It.